There are many ways to look at oneself in order to gain an insight into how you truly think & feel about certain things & situations & to also learn about how your behaviour is shaped by these experiences (or memories). I enjoy the challenge of trying different things because you never know which approach you’ll resonate best with, which method will have the most impact for you or the technique by which you will learn the most about yourself.
I thought it would interesting to do a job application type of self-analysis & pretend I’m applying to living my life well. Nothing will happen if I’m not hired, I’m just using the categories that one tends to use when applying for work. I’m hoping to get a good look at myself & my life & to get an insight on how I think others might see me. I’m hoping through this process I’ll be able to better determine & prioritise what is truly important for me to live a healthy & authentic life: not hide behind fear & be the person I want to be & what I want my children to remember me for.
So without further ado: here’s my job application for living my life well.
Name: Yuz or mummy
Age: Old enough to know better, make better decisions & choices, but will never old enough to think I know everything about everything. I’ll never be that age. That age is full of negativity, loneliness & closed minds.
Education & experience: I completed high school & went on to gain a Bachelor’s Degree in Business Administration with a major in Marketing. I went on to work within the advertising industry for the next ten years working in account management. Deadlines, massaging client & creative team egos was part of the job as well as meeting unrealistic timelines, deadlines & budgets. I worked hard, worked really long hours & wanted to do the best I could every day. I was an extremely loyal employee & conscientious too & this was an interesting combination in the advertising industry full of huge egos, employers who would often take advantage & the clients often reminding us all that we were in fact in a service industry. Some days I wasn’t far off table service in a restaurant without the tips.
* Loyal & conscientious – I still see them as a strength.
* I’m extremely passionate about all sorts of causes & will volunteer my time, experience & skills to helping out when I’m physically & emotionally possible.
* I will stand up for my kids health, welfare & their right to grow up in their own time & at their own pace. No one’s (that I know) has won a Nobel Prize for learning to point at six months or been the first to walk in their playgroup.
* I have the global phenomenon – & often ignored or downplayed characteristic – called ‘mothers instinct’. I might not be the best mother in the world, but I’m striving to be the best I can be, & while I don’t have a medical degree, I know my child: I know when they’re in pain, when something’s wrong & when to speak up when I don’t think I’ve been heard when it comes to their health & wellbeing. If you want to see my mama bear come out, just insult or talk down to my child or disregard, downplay or ignore my pleas for assistance when it comes to their wellbeing.
* Generous – with my time & with our money, but mostly time. I volunteer for many organisations & support groups that I am passionate about & rally up the troops for our annual Relay for Life event.
* Give people the benefit of the doubt – always. No matter how hard this is. The disclaimer here is that everyone gets three chances & depending on how much this person means to me, I either approach them about it or I let the friendship move down a rung on my importance-in-my-life ladder.
* Not stepping up to my intrusive thoughts about my worth, my doubts & my fears.
* Not being able to shut my mind down during discussions or an argument already thinking of the next thing I want to say & not hearing or listening to what’s been said.
* Channelling my inner Archaeologist: I dig up shit from the past & am passionate about holding on to it even though it holds no value or will help my contentment & happiness in the long term. And what’s so confronting about this is that I now have an audience to this behaviour & I don’t want my kids learning this trait through my actions & inactions. I want them to learn to deal with stuff & move on, let it go & not to assign any more meaning nor perceived worth to things that don’t deserve it.
* Lying to myself about when I’m not ok & putting on a brave face or mask.
Ok, now to stare down these weaknesses, confront them & make a concerted effort to do something about them. I know there’s no such things as a perfect person, but I know there’s always room for improvement. I can be & can do better.
Now to work out the ‘how’ in doing that…….