Doing it right – they’re loved & feel safe

My friend Jaime, from James and Jax, started a weekly Bloghop that will be exploring those things we’re doing right. There’s no topic per say but a general heading by which you can write whatever you want about & how you’re feeling. I’m a few weeks late in jumping on board but I’m starting today. Life is busy. It’s full of ups & downs but this weekly reminder of things I’m doing right will make a difference to me & help keep Patty at bay. Cos that bitch is back at the moment which pretty much sucks.

I’m sure that it’s not just my house that has what is known as ‘feral hours of bath & bedtime’. It’s the end of the day & everyone’s tired & Orli sees this as an opportunity to test her authority, independence & her stubbornness all while being exhausted because it’s the end of the day. It’s bloody exhausting. I actually get anxious leading up to this time, not because I don’t think I can manage the situation (because I always do & one way or another she gets into bed) but get anxious about ‘the unknown’. There’s absolutely no way I can predict her mood or behaviour from one minute to the next & this unknown factor every night can be really challenging.

I often wonder if she can sense my anxiety, my fear, my trepidation as we get closer to bath time. I then tell myself to stop being ridiculous as there’s no way she can see or feel it as I’m not displaying anything that could lead her to making those assumptions.

There are some nights that things run smoothly & everyone goes to bed happy. And then there are those nights…. full of frustration, tantrums, shouting, demanding & defiance that I would do anything to just get her in bed so I can forget it ever happened & gear up & re-energise for the day ahead. On those smooth running nights, I reinforce how lovely it all was after I finish reading her her bedtime story & she agrees & we snuggle & cuddle & say goodnight. But there’s no guarantee that moment will be remembered, cherished or replicated the next night.

On those hard nights, I often wonder if my giving her time out or arguing with her is going to damage her long run. I wonder if she knows that sometimes I feel terrible & guilty at yelling at her about putting her shoes away – cos really, who cares? They’re just shoes. I wonder if my friends are having the same challenges & wonder if they’re handling them better than me, differently or just have angel kids that don’t require any reprimanding. Thinking, wondering, obsessing, convincing mental loop. It’s one thing that I struggle with when my mood is low (when Patty’s visiting) because the negative thoughts, negative self-reflection & negative self-talk turns something like how I handled bath time & bedtime into a yardstick on my parenting as a whole & my capacity & ability of being a good mother.

And then each morning I am met by a happy four year old who wants to give me kisses & cuddles & say ‘good morning mummy’. And for that time I relish her happiness, forgive myself & remind myself that she’s ok & she’s going to be ok. Because for every battle, for every argument, for every time she defies my authority, challenges me & asserts her independence I know that SHE knows, she’s loved. And I also know that she feels safe. And you know what, it means that I’m doing an ok job. I’m being a ‘good enough’ mum. Some might even say, I’m doing it right!

 


Moments of motherhood (MOM’s) – You know you’re a mum when….

A friend of mine, Andrea of ‘Good Girl Gone Redneck‘ fame has started her own Linky/bloghop. It’s going to be a series of blog posts that will focus on Moments of Motherhood & this one’s about the times when ‘you know you’re a mum when’….

So here goes. You know you’re a mum when:

* Going to the grocery store without the kids is considered a treat & you take your time just because you can

* The term ‘sleeping like a baby’ is so completely irritating you could punch anyone that says it

* When you talk to yourself in public because you think your kids are with you

* You give another mum that knowing look as their child is having a tantrum in public

* You receive knowing looks when your child is having a public meltdown

* You’ve had all body fluids on you in a 24 hour period

* When an exciting night consists of vegging out on the couch reading/watching trash

* When you’re in the grocery store rocking the trolley back & forth because you think it’s a pram

* You hear a baby’s cry 50m away & it’s not yours

* You loiter in the baby section of department stores & grocery stores like you used to look at handbags, shoes & make up

* When getting your hair ‘done’ means using an actual hairdryer & not just natures hairdryer

* When you have a dance party in the kitchen while cooking dinner. At 5pm.

* When leaving the house requires planning & a mental checklist of things to take with you: bottles, snacks, water bottles, nappies & toys

* When you text your friends exciting news about Nappies being on sale

* When you feel guilty for absolutely everything you do & everything you don’t do for your kids

* When you only go to the toilet when you can feel your bladder bulging out of your pants or when your kidneys start getting sharp pains

* When you start calling holidays ‘changes of scenery’

* When groundhog day isn’t just a movie title

* When you say ‘taaaa’ instead of ‘thank you’ to anyone other than your toddler

 

Anyone else want to share their own Moments of Motherhood (MOM) with us?

 

 

 

Things I just don’t get

You know how when something strange, weird or perplexing happens, you just crook your head to one side & screw up your temple in the global pose that’s referred to as ‘the look of wonderment’. Yeah you know it. The ‘I just don’t get that’ look. Well, it got me thinking. What are those things, instances or circumstances that make me do said pose? Turns out, it’s quite a few things. And here are some of them:

* Why people ‘like’ their own posts of comments on FaceBook.

* Wearing socks with sandals? If it’s too cold, wear shoes.

* What’s the point of collots? Wear a skirt or shorts. Not too hard decision I would have thought.

* How people can’t tell the difference between Coke, Pepsi & all the diet, zero, Max versions of them.

* Why there are no personality tests (that you need to pass) for people that work in financial institutions, public service or for the medical profession.

* Why everyone you meet on a really hot day or really cold day reminds you of the temperature when you see them.

* Why everyone can’t just greet everyone by bowing to each other. It’s just much less complicated than handshaking & air kissing, especially in instances when one of you goes in for the wrong one & there is just awkwardness for the whole time you’re together. It can all be avoided with a simple bow.

* Why crap songs are the ones that stay in my head on ‘repeat’ or ‘loop’.

* Why the toilets aren’t closer to the movie theatres? You have to walk to far always that you’re guaranteed missing a chunk of the movie. Or you land up holding on & thinking about the bulging pain in your kidneys & bladder because you refuse to miss a second of the movie.

* Why most of the delicious foods have to be so bad for you.

* How you can’t feel a breeze when your bum crack is showing.

* How complete strangers know my kids in terms of their temperament, behaviours & preferences. These people are amazing – real oracles. They should all wear special capes.

* Why people are blind to parents with prams & small kids walking with a pram etc. I love having to juggle the pre-schoolers hand-holding & the pram all while trying to hold a door open or shuffle out of an elevator. And I especially love those people that barge into an elevator while you’re trying to get out.

* Why people asking the same questions expecting a different answer.

* When indicating to a loitering car in the car park, stalking you to your spot, that you’re not leaving, only to have them just stay & watch you load the car. The bonus is them getting angry at you for not leaving & going back into the shops.

* That you can have poppy seeds or spinach in your teeth & no one will tell you, but everyone’s quick to give you their opinion whether you’ve asked for it or not.

* Why people can’t decide on their choice of fast-food takeaway while standing in the queue, & staring at the massive reflecting signs of the meal options, before getting to the front of the line.

* People getting all bitter & twisted on Survivor. I’m pretty sure the motto is ‘outwit, outlast & outplay’.

* Why there are so many Fucktards in the world.

* Why people you pay to clean your home will NEVER clean it the way you would or see the same dust as you will ever see.

* Why people that say they have a headache don’t take any pain relief or drink water or do anything to alleviate the pain, but continue to complain they have a headache.

* Why I need to see proof of celebrities shedding the kilos after having a baby when they ALL have a nanny, a chef, a personal trainer & then another nanny just in case the other one gets sick.

* How Blu Tack works for like, ever.

* How I cry every.single episode of Grey’s Anatomy. Seriously?!

* Why as soon as I hit ‘post’ my brain will switch on & provide me with more things to add.

 

What have I done?

After writing my #LifeList last week, the same bloggers & I are writing a list of things we’ve achieved in our lifetime so far. It’s so refreshing focusing on the good things in life & I’m humbled to share them all with you.

So here we go: Did it. Done it. BOOM. (Again, in no particular oder)

* Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower

* Bought a manual/stick shift car without learning how to drive it.

*Abseiled

* Helped some mums through their toughest moments in the eye of the storm a.k.a Postnatal/Postpartum Mood Disorder.

* Been to the top of the Empire State Building.

* Went to Ground Zero

* Done Yoga

* Been to Israel & met my family there.

* Achieved my goal of learning how to do a twist in gymnastic & incorporate it into my floor routine (high school gym squad).

* Been to the Holocaust museum in Washington D.C

* Assisted mums that have had a PPMD put plans in place to have a better experience the next time.

* Coordinated & managed to Skype at BlogHer last year & chatted to a room full of awesomeness in Yael, Ivy, Jaime, Susan & A’Driane.

* Gotten married

* Jet skied

* Been to Yad Vashem in Israel.

* Traveled overseas with a group of strangers & came back with some life long friends.

* Bought a house

* Been to LA, New York (twice), Washington D.C., Paris, London, Hong Kong (four times) & Hawaii.

* Been a bridesmaid

*  Seen Kylie, Matchbox Twenty, The Killers & John Mayer in concert.

* Had children

* Ice Skated

* Gotten through lots of break ups & mended lots of broken hearts.

* Parasailed

* Sang Karaoke both locally & at Bar Code in Times Square, NY (may it RIP).

* Literally walked out of a job that was toxic in which I was being being bullied.

* Gone kayaking

* Had a natural birth & c-sec

* Been skiing.

* Made SO many virtual friends that I could easily count & depend on.

* Shopped till I’ve dropped

* Swam with dolphins

* Climbed the Statue of Liberty

* Been the passenger in a Ferrari 355.

* Been the model in a pharmacy catalogue when I worked in advertising.

* Been a passenger on a motorbike & managed to hang on, literally, for dear life.

* Helped to raise over $17k for Cancer Reaserch by participating in Relay for Life in two years of participating at the event.

* Eaten a pretzel in NYC.

* Rollerbladed around the Formula One track at Albert Park in Melbourne.

* Got my nose & top of my ear pierced.

* Started a blog.

* Beaten the PPD Demon.

 

Am sure there will be more to come.

 

 

 

 

My #LifeList

I’m joining a whole bunch of wonderful blogger women/mums that are all compiling & sharing their ‘Life Lists’. (You can see their posts at the bottom of my list). I see this as an opportunity for me to gather my thoughts on what I want to still achieve in my life. I hope by writing them down & making them public, I’ll be more accountable to my list & make a concerted effort to achieve them all, if not, many.

So here’s my list. Today. I’m sure there will be lots more added as soon as I hit ‘post’. Oh, & they’re in no particular order.

* Get a breast reduction.

* Want to kick Maternal depression & anxiety in the arse.

* Travel with & without kids.

* Actually READ & start using my 4 Ingredients books! (I’ve taken them off the shelf so already a move in the right direction).

* Trapeze

* Take up trampolining again (after breast reduction)

* Eat healthier.

* Go to a BlogHER so I can meet the most amazing women I’ve met online & am desperate to hug & share a cocktail or a few with.

* Take the kids to Israel & finally meet our family.

* Go on a luxury cruise.

* Read for the love of it, but also to make my life richer with the things learnt.

* Take the kids to Poland & Germany to see the Concentration Camps so that they can see with their own eyes things they will learn about as part of their family history.

* See a taping of Ellen.

* Go on an African Safari.

* Get laser surgery so I can go through life without putting on glasses or putting in contact lenses.

* Live on a house boat for a while – it’ll take discipline to a new level, ‘stop doing that or you’re going overboard’.

* Help one person or a family less fortunate than I with ongoing financial assistance.

* I want to go out dancing a lot. Maybe in my pyjamas. Cos comfort’s a bonus when shaking your arse.

* Visit a tropical Island / Island holiday (& I don’t mean Australia. Yes we’re an Island, but thinking more resorty).

* Do a flashmob.

* Have a coffee with Jeff Probst. (Didn’t know he had a TV show. This could actually be achievable!)

* Take the family to Washington D.C’s Holocaust Museum.

* Have something I’ve written published.

* Handwrite thank you letters when to those people that have touched my soul.

* Get my hair cut & coloured at the hairdressers more regularly…. do away with colour from a box in the supermarket.

* If I had the strength, I would volunteer at a children’s hospital & spend time with kids so their parents could have some respite.

* Get a new Passport (mine’s still in my maiden name). Oh & while I’m at it, get the kids theirs too.

* Have the same body as I had in my twenty’s/pre-muppets. (Hopefully I don’t have to do anything for that to happen. I’m dreaming big here people!!)

* Be as confident as I come across.

* Try to see the beauty in every day no matter how tough things seem.

* I want to find a passion or a hobby.

* Volunteer to kangaroo care for premmie babies in the NICU when their mums are unable to be there.

* Expand my cooking repertoire.

* Read every single word & watch all the footage of Maya Angelou.

* Want to make a real difference to someone’s life my my life’s actions & work.

* Exercise more. And by more, I mean exercise!

* Meet Oprah – that way I could ask her about everyone she’s met that I want to saving lots of time.

* Fly first/business class that have those super cool private suites.

* Go to a water theme park & go crazy.

* Pay for my MIL to go on a much dreamt about cruise.

* Make sure I continue to take photos of my kids artwork to make photo books.

* Be a radio DJ or talk show host for a year/month will do.

* Learn to fly a helicopter & fly it over the most wonderful beaches, mountains & scenic places globally.

* Get a tattoo.

* Be better at confrontation by looking at it as being assertive.

* Try to fear less. Try to BE fearless.

* Learn to speak fluent Hebrew.

* Continue with therapy for the rest of my life just like my car will require tune ups for as long as it’s driven. Gotta keep it working the best it can.

* Write my own eulogy – I want the details of my life accurate & frankly, to have the final word.